I Was Lost Without You
by Starlight Sanctuary
Summary: Before every major battle, we all need an outlet. Shepard's outlet was writing letters to herself, reminding her who she was fighting for. Might write more if anyone wants, so, R&R.


Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect, but if I did, it would've ended on a MUCH better note. ...just saying.

Summary: Before every major battle, we all need an outlet. Shepard's outlet was writing letters to herself, reminding her who she was fighting for.

I Was Lost Without You

NOTE: It is really cool if you read it while listening to this track from the ME3 soundtrack.

Shadow Broker Intel

(Recovered before the final confrontation in the Sol System)

To my team:

It was a hard choice, all of it. I feel like my life has been nothing but choices. I chose to be a soldier; I chose to be an N7 operative; I chose to go after Saren; I chose to go after the collectors; I chose to be with him. And all of those choices, would have been so much harder to make without people to back me up. Anderson, Tali, Kaidan, Ashley, Wrex, Joker, Liara, Chakwas, Jack, Grunt, Samara, Miranda, EDI, Jacob, Mordin, Grunt, Kasumi, Zaeed… Garrus; these were the people who watched my six. I don't think I could've made it this far without them. And to all of you who make it past this invasion and see this letter, thank you. It is nice to know that my memory isn't completely washed away.

I remember when I was little, my dad would hold me in his arms and tell me that I was destined for greatness. He was so proud of me when I joined the alliance… I hope he is proud of me. I did everything that I could to help. I don't know if I could've done anything else… I gathered resources, I gained alliances, I did… I did… I don't know if it will be enough.

I remember the first time I met Garrus. He was such an immature, trigger happy nut of a turian. With his beaming smile and his ardent personality… He was always there for me. When I left Kaidan to die on Virmire, I… it wasn't good. I don't think many people get the pleasure of being able to say that they've seen the almighty commander Shepard cry. And when I cried, he would just hold me. He wouldn't say a word, he just held me tightly and listened to me vent. He watched over me like nobody had ever cared to. And it wasn't till I was dying that I realized how much I cared for him. As I took my final breaths, his name was the last words to pass my lips. And just the thought of him while I was dying was enough to make me happy. It was enough to make me comfortable as I was slowly deprived of oxygen. Then I came back from the dead and I dragged him through hell with me again… My Garrus.

The Shepard that most knew me as, that was the hard-ass Shepard who knew how to get shit done. On the inside… I don't even know myself anymore. Once upon a time, I didn't care if I died. I only cared about the mission objective. That is what the N7 program teaches us. It teaches us to accept a high probability of death and to live with it till we die. That is why they don't allow us to become close friends with our squad mates. They didn't want us to have a reason to hold back anything we've got to complete a mission. That is why I've never developed PTSD. It is because I was trained to deal with this. But… when I became a Spectre, when I decided to build a team to track down Saren, that is when it all changed. And I would wake up every morning happy to see everyone's faces.

Well, what ever happens now, happens. I hope that all of the hell I put you all through was worth it. If we live past today, then I pray that we can learn from this experience. And if we all die, I hope that I'll see you all in whatever place we end up in. We held the line at Virmire; We held the line at Illos; We held the line at the Collector Base; and today, my friends, let us hold the line once more. Let us fight for the lost! Fight for the present! Fight for our future!

~Your Commander,  
>Shepard<p>

A/N: Was inspired by I Was Lost Without You. It is one of the most beautiful songs on the Mass Effect 3 Soundtrack. I felt that this would make me feel slightly better about how the game ended. I mean, this is no ending, but it was something to take my mind off of it XD Hope you enjoyed!


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